The Canary Died in an Empty Chair

It is with great regret that I must inform you of the death of the canary in the mine. It’s never good news when the canary in the mine dies. It signals serious trouble in the air.

It is with equal regret that I must inform you that the president is attempting to throw a party at the White House to honor a special guest, but he can’t get anyone to be the special guest.

These two events are connected – the canary and the empty chair for the guest of honor at the presidential party are one and the same.

The president is attempting to fill a new position in the White House. He wants to name a “war czar” who would report to the president and would direct the coordination of all military and civilian efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan. This plenty potentate overseer would be empowered to give directions to the State and Defense Departments and other federal agencies.

Defense and State have a long history of misalignment on the direction of the war effort and the White House often has to arbitrate their disputes. Thus the need for a chief arbitrator who can tell both of them what to do. One might think that’s the president’s job, but he’s a busy man. There’s a lot of brush to cut in Crawford with all the winter rain there.

Being anointed the War Czar is one hell of a position – a real resume builder. It seems like a perfect fit for a retired military officer of the highest rank; perhaps a four-star general from the Army or Marine Corps. If only the White House could find a retired four-star who is willing to kiss his family and friends goodbye and walk the gangway onto a ship called the Titanic.

At least three retired four-star generals have told the White House, “Thanks, I’m deeply honored; but, no thanks. I’ve seen the movie and I know where that ship is going.” As they walked away from their job interviews they were heard to mumble, “Unsinkable, my ass. That thing is going down.”

Former four-star generals are nobody’s fool. They were listening when they heard one of their brethren, Gen. David Petraeus, the current commander in Iraq, say that the U.S. cannot win this war through military action. And they’ve been listening to the White House long enough to know that those folks don’t appear to be interested in winning the war through non-military action. You don’t have to be a four-star genius to be able to add those two prime numbers.

When interviewed by The Washington Post, retired Marine Gen. John J. "Jack" Sheehan said, "The very fundamental issue is, they don't know where the hell they're going." Sheehan, a former NATO commander, rejected the job, saying he believes that Vice President Cheney and his allies remain more powerful in the administration than the pragmatists who are trying to develop an exit strategy in Iraq. "So rather than go over there, develop an ulcer and eventually leave, I said, 'No, thanks,' " Sheehan said.

Retired Army Gen. Jack Keene and retired Air Force Gen. Joseph Ralston have also declined to rearrange the deck chairs. With the Army, Air Force and Marines having rejected the offer, we’ll now await the responses from the candidates in the Navy, Coast Guard and Merchant Marine. It’s quite a commentary when you can’t find a military leader who is willing to lead a two-front war. The air in that mine must be pretty deadly.

Just think of the glory that awaits the person who steps into this new position and leads us to a resounding victory. Tickertape parades down Madison Avenue, statues in the park, and Congressional and Presidential medals await such a leader. Books will be written; movies will be made; Pulitzers and Academy Awards will be won. Events of this nature put people in the history books for generations to follow.

Ah – there’s the problem. Whoever takes this position will end up in the history books for generations to follow – along with that canary. But, never fear, someone will almost certainly come in to the siren’s song and seize the moment offered by this powerful position. Someone almost always has a seizure of this nature. Almost always.

In the late 60s and early 70s, as Americans grew increasingly weary of another war that couldn’t be won with military action, it was popular to put a different spin on the old party quip and say, “What if they gave a war and nobody came.” How we dared to dream back then.

Well, it appears that the invitations to the most recent war party have been received and the RSVPs are now coming in – in the form of regrets. It’s possible that “regrets” will become the byword of this decade.

After all, when the canary dies it usually means that very regrettable events are likely to follow.